Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Rambling on and on

I am fooling myself, I am fooling everyone around me. People always ask me "How do you do it all?" The truth is I don't. There, I said it, I am not super mom, I don't wear a cape with a giant SM (super mom) embroidered on the back of it. Hell, my christmas china hasn't even made it out of my china cabinet and at this rate my excuse is "I really enjoy keeping something from the holiday season up year round!" But the truth is more like I am too frazzled to even care. My life isn't perfect although from the outside looking in it might seem to be. I overbook myself and my family. I don't hold my end of the bargain up far too often. I yell too much. I cry too much. I get frustrated at the littlest things. I wish I had it all together and although I try, I fall short. Because so many know me through FB, they don't know the struggles I face, my demons. They see the bright, smiley mom who seems to be a close resemblence to Martha Stewart but that's not me. I want to have the perfect house, I want the perfectly dressed children who never have a hair out of place, I want to be perfect. That's my problem- I want perfection. I know it's unattainable but somehow it always seems just a task away. I always take on too much thinking that in that task I will obtain perfection, I don't. I become bitter and resentful that those around me don't try as hard as I do. I get angered by the fact that I don't get thanked for everything I do. I need change, I need to change. My thinking, my additude, my goals. Sometimes it just is all so overwhelming and I think it's about time to cut some things out of this crazy life, put a bigger emphasis on the things that matter. My faith, family and friends, these are the things that matter. The funny thing about everything is that at the end of the day after I have spent hours doing volunteer work at my daughter's school, running a girl scout meeting, picking things up so that the kids can do school projects, I get home to a daughter who feels that I haven't spent anytime with her. I feel as though that's all I do, I give my life to my kids but I am beginning to realize that they don't care if I volunteer countless hours putting together a school program, or if I am gone for hours helping with Girl Scout Cookies, that's not what they want from me. They want a mom who wants to snuggle with them, read with them. Not a mom who is so wiped out at the end of the day from all of the "Time spent with her kid's school" that she falls asleep on the couch. I am envious of those true SAHM's that have all the time in the world for snuggling, reading, bug catching and whatever else they fancy. That's the Mom I want to be, that's what I am going to be.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Not Everyone Likes Me!

I am 30 and until recently (last week) I thought everybody would like me as long as I tried my hardest to be nice, hard working and honest.... This, I found out, is not the case! I am generally a nice person, I work hard to make the lives of others better, I work hard to make my children's schools better, I work hard to make my community better and I work hard at raising three wonderful little people. I do all of this and yet I am sure there are quite a few people that really can't stand me. This thought was really bringing me down but I have since had a change of heart! I do what I can and I give things my all and if that's not good enough for some then so be it! I have decided that those people are not worth my time as I value my time and I want valuable people to occupy my time! A friend of mine told me yesterday that she had heard this quote, "What people think of you is none of your business!" I think this is the attitude that I need to adopt, what people think of me is none of my business! I can't change their opinions of me so it's a waste of my time.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

10 wonderful years!

Mike and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary this last Wed. 10 years of (mostly) wedded bliss now days seems like quite an accomplishment. My daughter pointed out that we have been married for a decade and that seemed like an even bigger accomplishment when she stated it like that! I often hear it said that Mike and I have such a wonderful relationship, which we do, and I am asked how we do it.... Here is our recipe for love-

1-We love each other.... Now, I know that seems like a given but we really love one another. I have dated or been married to him since I was 19 and we have seen one another grow and change quite a bit, not all of our changes have been for the better but I took my vows seriously and I promise to love him for better or worse, in sickness and health. I love him, he loves me and we make sure to tell each other every day!

2. We make sure to take "Us" time.... Date nights are a regularly scheduled event at our house. I can always tell when we haven't had "Us" time as we both get short with one another, we get short with our children, we even get short with the dog! Date night is a way for us to catch up and visit over dinner. We get to hold hands, talk about whatever has been going on and just be together without being interrupted by three little voices, three little people's needs.

3. We give each other space.... Alone time is just as important as "Us" time. I don't think I could do without my alone time. I need time to let off steam, whether it's a run, a couple hours locked up with a good book or a night out with the girls, this time has become essential to our marriage too.

4. We forgive.... Our marriage isn't perfect but we let the imperfections go. If you go into marriage thinking that everything is going to be perfect, you are in for a RUDE awakening! Nobody bugs me, gets under my skin, pisses me off quite like Mike does but at the end of the day nobody loves me quite like he does and I can forgive him for everything else!

5. We are affectionate.... This is something that is super important! A kiss good bye, sitting on the couch rubbing each other's feet, a just because kiss, a love note, a welcome home kiss... Showing one another our love keeps it hot, it keeps it exciting. I love nothing more than a little note on the kitchen table when I get up in the morning, a delivery of flowers just because. Mike is really good at keeping it exciting and I try to do the same.

I love my husband more today than when we got married 10 years ago and I know that our love will continue to grow as long as we continue to nurture it.
Honey, I love you and look forward to many more wonderful, blessed years!

Monday, September 26, 2011

He did his first sign!!

He signed "Thank You" for the first time today!! We were at the doctor's office (he's got Bronchitis)and as we were leaving I told Mitchell to sign thank you, I showed him the sign and he did it! It was such a proud mommy moment! The problem is that we have asked him all afternoon to repeat it and he's blown raspberries instead but he did it for the Dr. and that's all that matters! Mitchell has inspired me to prepare a lesson on sign language for the kids I work with after school. Not only is sign language a fun language to learn (you get to talk with your hands!!) it's also important for everyone to learn as it gives a voice to the voiceless.
I am finally done feeling sorry for myself when it comes to Mitchell's DS. I told Mike tonight that sometimes I wish all three of my kids had DS and he looked at me as though he thought I was crazy! Mitchell's ability to capture the hearts of those around him is amazing. I have never experienced love like Mitchell's before I had him, it's the warmest, deepest love I have ever felt. He has the ability to lift the spirits of those around him, he can change even the grumpiest moods. He's an amazing child who is full of happiness and love, he never gives up, he's what I want my other two children to become. Mitchell lives in the moment and is always smiling when my other two are so often wanting more and miserable. How do we teach our other children the traits that come so naturally in our children with DS? I want my other children to live in the moment and not worry about what tomorrow brings. I want them to love deeper and be kinder. I want them not to worry about what others think of them, to be happy with who they are. These are things that I wish came easily to my older two children. Maybe Mitchell came to show our family how to love a little more deeply, care a little more and to care what others think a little less. Maybe he was sent to us by God to teach us, perhaps the lessons to be learned aren't to be learned by him but our family as a whole.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

For Jenny

I guess I had better make this a great post because it's for one of my favorite bloggers, Jenny Chillihitzia!
I don't blog much anymore because I don't feel like I have all that much to blog about. Sure, once in a while I think to myself "I should blog about this" but then life with three kiddos sucks me back in and I completely forget what I was going to blog about... I do however check my blog and I read a lot of what you all post, it helps me through tough days knowing I have other mommies that are going through the same challenges as I am. I really enjoy seeing the progress of all of the kids, it really gives me hope for Mitch.
Speaking (I am not speaking, rather typing) of Mitch, he is doing wonderfully! He still isn't walking but he's with in inches of cruising. We bought him a Little Tikes shopping cart yesterday in hopes that he would walk while pushing it and that's exactly what has happened! He thinks he is so big as he pushes his cart. His brother and sister take him "Shopping" and put his toys in his cart for him, he loves it!
I think it's so great that many of my struggles with Mitch are the same as any mom that has an almost 2 year old. He's into everything, he's super picky in his eating and he's constantly testing me. I can't keep my house clean unless he's down for a nap because he makes messes quicker than I can pick them up. He's figured out how to open various drawers around the house including his favorite, my underwear drawer! He loves to strew the contents of the drawers all over whichever room he's in. He loves to "Sort" the laundry, unfortunately he's not much help as it's a huge mess when he's done "Sorting!" He loves my cupboard with my pots and pans, he loves the dogs dishes... He's my mess maker! I need to make him a shirt that says, "If there's trouble I'll find it" because he is always in trouble! He is climbing too which means he's stuck quite often. This makes him mad because he doesn't understand how he got in but can't get out! He definitely tests my patience and there have been a few "Time Outs" lately, they are more for me than him. I have to contain him occasionaly so that I can finish picking up after him. He is defineitely on his way into the "Terrible Two's" AAAGGGHHHH!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

NDSC Conference

This years conference was held in San Antonio Tx and we had the best time! It was an experience that I will never forget, the happiness, the love, the acceptance, it was amazing! We were all there with one common goal; to learn as much in 3 days as humanly possible. We all went to learn different things as there were seminars offered on everything from feeding issues to explaining sexuality to our children but we all walked away with the knowledge that our children are accepted, maybe not by all but the vast majority of people love and accept our children. I learned that having Down Syndrome doesn't define our children, it is part of who they are but they are so much more than Down Syndrome.
There were so many aspects of this conference that were life changing. There were the brief meetings in the elevator, hanging out in the pool and meeting other parents, sitting down at a table and talking for hours to a presenter. There were so many amazing experiences but walking down the halls was my favorite. It was in the hallways that I was able to talk to other parents, I was given many ideas and suggestions because they had just accomplished with their child what we are trying to accomplish with Mitch.
I was amazed by how many families were there that had adopted children with Down Syndrome, they choose this journey and by the end of the conference I could see why. I have never in my whole life been part of such a loving group of people, love just seemed to emanate from everyone. Maybe it was because we were there for the same reasons but I think it was because we have all been blessed by someone with Down Syndrome and love is just a by-product.
Going to NDSC Conference was a a wonderful experience and I am looking forward to doing it again!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Major Vent!

I got my first hurtful comment about DS tonight. I had gone to my neighbor's home to talk about an issue we've been having, we sat talking when she asked me what our plans are for the summer. I told that we have a few trips planned including San Antonio Tx for NDS conference. I then told her what a hard time we are having getting OT and PT services for Mitchell. She told me that she didn't think he should recieve these services because they cost the state too much money and that if we want services for him we should be paying for them ourselves "like parents used to do"! I tried to tell her how much these services would help him and she looked at me and said "You can't tell how much they'll help him, he's only a year and a half!" She is a school teacher and has recently had her hours cut, she told me that the state spends way too much money on children like Mitchell and not enough on regular ed. I was floored! I want my son to have the best education and learn as much as he's capable of, just like my other two children. I have the same expectations of all three of my children, Mitchell is just going to need some extra help to reach his potential. This woman has never been married or had children so I can't stand the fact that she stood there telling me what a burden my son was on the state.She has never walked even one foot in my shoes!! I just stood there and I am pretty sure that my lower jaw hit the floor because I was shocked, at a loss for words. My husband wanted to go over and speak his mind but didn't because he knew it would upset me. I would've spoke up but like I said, I was at a loss for words! I feel like she's blaming her lost hours directly on Michell, because of the services he's recieving, her hours were cut. She's crazy!!