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Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Years!!

I can't believe that we are still awake and waiting for the ball to drop. I am beyond exhasted so excuse any typos in this post. 2009 has been a rough year for our family, we had financial problems (who didn't?), jobs come and go and a Gestational Diabetes scare amongst other things. Looking back on this year, we were also blessed in so many ways, we were able to modify our mortgage allowing us to keep our home, we went on a great trip to see old friends in Utah and we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy, Mitchell. Yes, 2009 has brought quite a few wonderful things our way, the most wonderful being Mitchell. He is such a sweet little guy and has the happiest disposition. It has been difficult at times knowing that he has Down's but all of the wonderful people I have found through my blog have made it less difficult to accept. I really appriciate all of your honest posts about your children with Down's Syndrome, through your blogs I will know what to expect, what to be fighting for and I know I will gain a knowledge that I didn't have prior to Mitchell's birth. I want to thank you all so much and let you know that I am proud to be part of this new family!
God Bless,
Katie

Monday, December 28, 2009

What 3 months can show you

It has been 3 months since Mitchell was born and I have learned so much since he was born. I have not only learned about Down's Syndrome, I've learned things I didn't know about myself.
I have learned that I am stronger than I ever imagined,
I have learned what unconditional love feels like,
I have learned to praise even the smallest accomplishments,
I have learned not to look to far down the road, I'll only drive myself crazy,
I have learned to be happy with today and whatever today has to offer,
I have learned that I am surrounded by wonderful people in a community that is warm and embracing,
I have learned that Mitchell will accomplish great things and will have many abilities,
I have learned that Down's Syndrome isn't something to be sad about but rather something to celebrate!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Merry Christmas

It is hard to believe that in two nights Santa will make his appearance! My kids are so excited and can't wait to see what Santa brings. We have so much planned in the upcoming days, dinner with family, Christmas Eve church services, baking for Santa, play dates with friends and last minute preparations, the upcoming days are sure to be busy. This Christmas has been the best I've had in a long time. I've tried to space out all of my baking, card sending, wrapping, sending of gifts over the entire month instead of waiting until the week before Christmas to cram it all in. This strategy has worked well in keeping the holiday chaos to a minimum. I feel like I have had time to savor the holidays this year and that is a true blessing.
Merry Christmas,
Katie
P.S.
I was holding Mitchell as he slept tonight and he looked so sweet that I had to take a picture to share. Enjoy!


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tough day

I thought that I was alright with Mitchell's Down's diagnosis until today. I sat down with a dear friend whom I had not seen since having Mitchell and we began to chat. She asked me how I was doing and I told her I was fine, we continued to chat and I said something (I can't remember exactly what) and she replied "It sounds like you are having a hard time accepting it." I started to cry and I realized that I am having a hard time accepting it. I am fine as long as I don't have to discuss it. I am still hoping to wake up and discover a baby free of Down's, I am still trying to make sense of all of this. I have found myself feeling lost and alone, Mike and I don't discuss it, we've moved on or so I thought. Tonight I am finding myself shaking fists at the sky and wondering why me? Why am I the chosen one? I love him and I know that I can do this and do a darn good job at it but I didn't sign up for this! I am thinking some counseling might help me sort out my feelings and help me move forward, it might be good for my marriage as well. I know that with time this will all get easier and I will reach a point of acceptance and I look forward to getting there.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Christmas pictures

Tonight we went to our church's Christmas program. Since we took the time to dress the kiddos up in their Christmas best and trudge out in the snow I decided I might as well document the occasion. ENJOY!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Remaining positive

This week has been so cold. The temperature hasn't gotten above freezing for around a 5 days. We have had our water pipes to our washing machine burst and our washing machine has been frozen since then. It has been rough watching the laundry pile up and knowing there is really nothing I can do until the weather changes. It has also been hard to keep the house warm as our central heat isn't efficient and our wood burning stove heats only the front rooms of our home.
Even though this has been a rough week I have been blessed to have great friends to visit with. Jaquelle was kind enough to let me do 3 loads of laundry at her house and help me with a fleece tie blanket, Sherry was wonderful to visit with as she offered much needed adult conversation and Sanna was a Godsend as she came to get Maddi for school this morning. So to all of my wonderful friends, Thank You
We also had Mitchell's two month checkup with the pediatrician on Monday and he is doing well. He is smiling, cooing, reaching for objects and trying to roll. He is steadily making his way up the growth chart and has gained 3 pounds since birth. He is now breastfeeding exclusively which I think is awesome! I am so proud of him and I love watching him meet his milestones. I hope that this continues as he grows.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Holidays

Wow, I can't believe that it is Christmas time already! We got our lights up today, actually I had nothing to do with it, Mike did the lights while I napped with Mitchell. I got some of my Christmas stuff out and I am slowly putting it up. I always enjoy this time of year but I equally enjoy it being over; every year I say that I am going to slow down and savor the holidays but every year that doesn't happen. What is it about this time of year that causes me to run around like a chicken with it's head cut off? I hope that this year I will be able to truly savor the holiday season, maybe by getting gifts wrapped sooner rather than later and by beginning my seasonal baking now I will be able to enjoy the holidays this year.
We went to Reno yesterday and braved the Black Friday crowds to find the perfect presents at bargain prices. We found presents at decent prices but I am not sure we got any true "Deals." We were able to ride the Ferris wheel at Scheel's and go to lunch, so all in all it was a productive day. The kids were so good and came home exhausted which was nice. Now I just need to wrap all of the gifts we bought and hopefully wrap them before Christmas Eve!

Love to all,
Katie

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thankful

As we get ready to celebrate Thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for but I am not feeling thankful. I am feeling scared, scared that I don't know what to expect, scared that I don't know what to do and say. As a third time momma I feel awkward for the first time in my mothering career. I worry I am not doing things right, that I am not helping Mitchell to develop like he should be, I feel like I am not doing enough. As I type this I am scared, scared for what the future holds for not only Mitchell but for our family. I hurt for Mitchell and the challenges he will face and I pray that we (Mitchell and his family) have the strength to get through these challenges as a family. For the last couple of days I have really struggled with knowing that my child has Down's and that he is different from other children. To me he looks like any other child but I am always afraid that people can tell he's different. I am finding comfort in the fact that he is doing what both of my other children have done at this age, he is making eye contact with me, he is beginning to respond to his siblings, he is NURSING (so happy about this!!) and he is on the verge of smiling. I love him so much and I am sure that he will bless our lives in ways we never imagined!
I am thankful for this opportunity to get some of my feelings out and will reflect on what I am thankful for tomorrow.
Night Night,
Katie

Saturday, November 14, 2009

A sad day

Today was a sad day. Chris Ritz, a local paramedic who flew on a life flight helicopter, was killed when his helicopter went down about 60 miles away from where we live. I knew him because he served on SSD school board with me. He also was also part of our local Boy Scout organization. He leaves behind a son, Kenton, who is in fourth grade this year. He was a wonderful man and will be greatly missed by our community.
When something like this happens, I am reminded at how short life on earth can be. I am also reminded to cherish each day I have with my children and family. I know that Chris cherished everyday he spent with his son. He glowed when Kenton was around, he was one proud dad!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Really MAD!!

I am so mad! I just got off the phone with the ENT who informed me that since Mitchell isn't showing up under our insurance yet, we have to pay for the entire visit up front! We can't afford to do that and he needs to be seen! I am so frustrated because I know that he is insured as of Nov. 1st, he just isn't showing up yet! I don't know what to do because we have to travel 80 miles to get to the closest city and we are going to get my MIL tomorrow so we planned the ENT visit on the same day. I don't know when we will be back to go to the ENT, maybe I'll just find a new one! I am going to SCREAM!! I had heard such good things about this ENT, he has an Audiologist in his office and is supposed to be great with little ones but I am now floored and not sure I'll go back! I am off to figure out what I am going to do!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Wal Mart experience

Today we all went to Walmart so that the kids could begin to look and see what they want for Christmas. As Maddi and I were wandering around looking at toys we saw a young woman who had Down's. She looked at me and said "Hi" and I said "Hi" and I asked her how she was doing and she looked at me and said "Fine." Maddi looked up at me and said "Mom, I think she has Down's" I told her she was right and began to cry. Why, I am not sure. I think it was a mixture of being scared because this is our life now and also happiness as she could converse with me. I looked for a guardian or parent to perhaps talk with but I never saw the young woman again. It was like she was sent to just show me how normal things may be for us!

Thursday, November 5, 2009



It has been a little while since I have updated my blog. I suppose that is a good thing as this is supposed to be my therapy, I guess I haven't needed therapy!


I am loving Mitchell, he is such a pleasant baby. He loves to be cuddled and doesn't seem to mind being passed around as long as he is being held. He has decided that he needs to sleep with mom and dad (or maybe we decided that!) Since I have let him sleep with us I am getting no sleep. I wake up everytime he wiggles or grunts, but I enjoy knowing that he is sleeping well.


We went to the cardiologist last friday and Mitchell's heart got a clean bill of health. I walked out of that office feeling like I was on cloud nine, I was so happy! He weighed 7lbs, 3 oz at that appointment which means that he is steadily gaining weight. This week we have met with the physical therapist and the speech and language specialist, the physical therapist gave us some excersizes to do with Mitchell and the speech and language specialist recommended that we start signing to him when he is awake. We have been getting so much information and so many suggestions and bits of advice, it's hard to remember everything and keep it all straight!


I finally have pictures to post of my little man, Mitchell Beck Green.
Enjoy,
Katie


Saturday, October 24, 2009

Today was a rough day! I don't know why, it just was. I spent so much of my day crying, the tears just wouldn't stop today! I think I am going to go on a low dose of an anti-depressant so that my emotions will even out. I can't handle crying anymore.
We took all three kids to the Halloween carnival at Maddi's school. So many people peeked at Mitchell who was curled up in his sling and told me how beautiful he is, that's nice to hear. I think he is beautiful!
Mitchell is really starting to eat well. It seems like every time I turn around he is hungry! I can't wait for him to put on some weight so he doesn't feel so little! I am excited for him to get bigger and begin to smile and coo, it might be a little while but I am still excited. I think that he will be a smiley guy as he is so mellow and seems to be happy most of the time.
Mitchell is crying so I guess that it is bathtime!
Love to you all,
Katie

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Night OFF!!

I am officially not sleeping at night but it's all right because Mike is a trooper and lets me sleep in the morning. Mitchell was up this morning from 3:30 until about 6, he went to sleep and let me sleep until 7 when it was time to get the older two up and off to school. I hope that I can get him to sleep through the night here soon....

Tonight, Mike and I are going on our first date since Mitchell arrived. A friend of ours has agreed to watch the three kids so that we can get out for an hour or so. I am so excited!! I think that we will just go out and talk about something besides Mitchell, I am not sure what that topic will be but we need to talk about something else! We have been dwelling on Mitchell and his diagnosis for the past two weeks so talking about something else will be nice.

I will let you all know how our date went..
Love,
Katie

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

As I look back on the last two weeks I am reminded of going to the dentist and getting dental work done, the shot hurts and then the numbness kicks in and you don't feel anything for a while but when the numbness starts to wear off you slowly start to feel again and it might hurt a little but you know that it will go away at some point. That is where I am, the numb feeling is starting to wear off and I know that some days I will feel pain but it will get better.



I got a phone call today from a wonderful woman who works with special needs children in our area. She is going to come over in the next week or so to do an intake on Mitchell into her program. She will help us fill out all of the paper work for SSI and State aid. We never thought we would need any assistance in raising our children, we're not about being supported by the government but it looks like we will need all of the assistance we can get when it comes to raising Mitchell, he is going to get expensive!! She also talked to us about physical therapy and speech services.... This is so much to take in as three weeks ago we were preparing for our healthy baby who wasn't going to have any problems!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's hard to believe that two weeks have passed since I gave birth to Mitchell. So much has happened in the last two weeks and I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around it all. The good thing is that Mitchell is here and healthy overall. Now that he is here, I can't imagine life without him!

I started an American Sign Language class tonight with Mitchell in mind. It was really interesting and took my mind off of everything else. I learned to sign "Hello, my name is Katie", I also learned a lot of other things. Mike is going to start coming with me so that we can learn it together. I am really excited to learn this new language that may someday benefit Mitchell.

I think that I am ready to re-enter the world. I have felt so alone for the past two weeks but after tonight's class and the fun I had, I think that I need to start getting out and living again. I will be a better mom if I get out and do things. I am excited for everything that comes with this time of year, pumpkin carving, Halloween parties, costumes and carnivals. I need to spend time doing these things with Maddi and Merrick, they need their mommy back!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Normal

Mitchell's Pediatrician appointment went well. We discussed Mitchell's overall health and what steps to take next. He will be seeing a Pediatric Cardiologist and an Ear, Nose and Throat/ Audiologist in Reno, hopefully we get through those hurdles without any major surgeries.

As I look into Mitchell's future, I not only worry about his health but also how people will look at him. I know that he is surrounded by love but those that don't know us or him might look at him differently. People are mean and Mitchell, I am sure, will get his fair share of mean and nasty remarks, knowing that many people will not see him as "Normal" hurts! We will treat him the same as our other two children and he will be expected to follow the same rules. He will be "Normal" to us!

I am surprised at how many of our friends have special needs children in their families or are close to a child who has special needs, it is comforting to know that they will love Mitchell and see him for who he is. I know Mitchell will grow up being loved by so many and I am sure that he will touch a lot of lives.

My aunt said something that has stuck with me over the past week. "We all have "Stuff," Mitchell's "Stuff" just has a name."

Love to all,
Katie

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Our Blessing

It has been almost two weeks since Mitchell was born. He was born with Down's Syndrome and we had no idea that our child would have a condition as life altering as that. We were so happy when he entered the world but I knew instinctively that something wasn't quite right, call it mother's intuition but I knew. He only weighed 6 lbs, 10 oz. when my other babies both weighed around 9 lbs. His weight made me wonder... Then when he didn't pass either of his hearing screens, warning bells started to sound. The morning the Pediatrician came in and told me what his suspicions were, I came apart. I don't think I have ever cried that hard. Poor Mitchell slept on my chest while my tears washed over him. Mike wasn't with me, he was in Susanville with Maddi and Merrick and I have never felt so alone. That was the hardest day of my life.
Since bringing him home, life has gotten better. We got a definite diagnosis of Down's Syndrome. Knowing what he has will help us know how to raise him and the kinds of services he will need. He is such a good baby, he very seldom cries and sleeps well. While life has gotten better since finding out what he has, I still have my days of grief and heartache and I am not sure that they will ever go away completely. It feels good to know that I have so many great friends and family members that are helping me through this with their kind words and prayers. While I have a lot of support, some days I still feel so alone.
Tomorrow, Mitchell has an appt. with the Pediatrician. Mike and I have so many questions to ask, this is so new to us. He feels like he's our first child even though I am an experienced mom!! We are concerned about so many health issues he might have, heart, thyroid, skeletal, hearing, vision and digestion. I try not to think about these things as they are unknown. I try to think about what I do know, he is eating and digesting his food, he is very wiggly and is trying to pick his head up, he can hear out of his left ear and he will turn his head to look at you when he hears a voice. He is doing so many good things!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Wow, It's been a long time!!

I can't believe it has almost been two months since I last posted. So much has happened, It's hard to know where to begin!! I got a job with the State of California working at one of our local prisons, not crazy about it but it is a job. We have been really busy with everything now that I am working full time, I am still doing PTA, Girl Scouts and School Board on top of raising two kids and trying to keep Mike happy. My Girl Scout troop recently sold cookies, we ended up selling around 1600 boxes- WHOO-HOO!!! Merrick got a haircut, his hair is no longer and now I miss his beautiful blond locks. Boy, I hope it grows back quickly.
Until next time,
Katie