Saturday, October 24, 2009

Today was a rough day! I don't know why, it just was. I spent so much of my day crying, the tears just wouldn't stop today! I think I am going to go on a low dose of an anti-depressant so that my emotions will even out. I can't handle crying anymore.
We took all three kids to the Halloween carnival at Maddi's school. So many people peeked at Mitchell who was curled up in his sling and told me how beautiful he is, that's nice to hear. I think he is beautiful!
Mitchell is really starting to eat well. It seems like every time I turn around he is hungry! I can't wait for him to put on some weight so he doesn't feel so little! I am excited for him to get bigger and begin to smile and coo, it might be a little while but I am still excited. I think that he will be a smiley guy as he is so mellow and seems to be happy most of the time.
Mitchell is crying so I guess that it is bathtime!
Love to you all,

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Night OFF!!

I am officially not sleeping at night but it's all right because Mike is a trooper and lets me sleep in the morning. Mitchell was up this morning from 3:30 until about 6, he went to sleep and let me sleep until 7 when it was time to get the older two up and off to school. I hope that I can get him to sleep through the night here soon....

Tonight, Mike and I are going on our first date since Mitchell arrived. A friend of ours has agreed to watch the three kids so that we can get out for an hour or so. I am so excited!! I think that we will just go out and talk about something besides Mitchell, I am not sure what that topic will be but we need to talk about something else! We have been dwelling on Mitchell and his diagnosis for the past two weeks so talking about something else will be nice.

I will let you all know how our date went..

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

As I look back on the last two weeks I am reminded of going to the dentist and getting dental work done, the shot hurts and then the numbness kicks in and you don't feel anything for a while but when the numbness starts to wear off you slowly start to feel again and it might hurt a little but you know that it will go away at some point. That is where I am, the numb feeling is starting to wear off and I know that some days I will feel pain but it will get better.

I got a phone call today from a wonderful woman who works with special needs children in our area. She is going to come over in the next week or so to do an intake on Mitchell into her program. She will help us fill out all of the paper work for SSI and State aid. We never thought we would need any assistance in raising our children, we're not about being supported by the government but it looks like we will need all of the assistance we can get when it comes to raising Mitchell, he is going to get expensive!! She also talked to us about physical therapy and speech services.... This is so much to take in as three weeks ago we were preparing for our healthy baby who wasn't going to have any problems!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's hard to believe that two weeks have passed since I gave birth to Mitchell. So much has happened in the last two weeks and I am still having a hard time wrapping my head around it all. The good thing is that Mitchell is here and healthy overall. Now that he is here, I can't imagine life without him!

I started an American Sign Language class tonight with Mitchell in mind. It was really interesting and took my mind off of everything else. I learned to sign "Hello, my name is Katie", I also learned a lot of other things. Mike is going to start coming with me so that we can learn it together. I am really excited to learn this new language that may someday benefit Mitchell.

I think that I am ready to re-enter the world. I have felt so alone for the past two weeks but after tonight's class and the fun I had, I think that I need to start getting out and living again. I will be a better mom if I get out and do things. I am excited for everything that comes with this time of year, pumpkin carving, Halloween parties, costumes and carnivals. I need to spend time doing these things with Maddi and Merrick, they need their mommy back!

Monday, October 19, 2009


Mitchell's Pediatrician appointment went well. We discussed Mitchell's overall health and what steps to take next. He will be seeing a Pediatric Cardiologist and an Ear, Nose and Throat/ Audiologist in Reno, hopefully we get through those hurdles without any major surgeries.

As I look into Mitchell's future, I not only worry about his health but also how people will look at him. I know that he is surrounded by love but those that don't know us or him might look at him differently. People are mean and Mitchell, I am sure, will get his fair share of mean and nasty remarks, knowing that many people will not see him as "Normal" hurts! We will treat him the same as our other two children and he will be expected to follow the same rules. He will be "Normal" to us!

I am surprised at how many of our friends have special needs children in their families or are close to a child who has special needs, it is comforting to know that they will love Mitchell and see him for who he is. I know Mitchell will grow up being loved by so many and I am sure that he will touch a lot of lives.

My aunt said something that has stuck with me over the past week. "We all have "Stuff," Mitchell's "Stuff" just has a name."

Love to all,

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Our Blessing

It has been almost two weeks since Mitchell was born. He was born with Down's Syndrome and we had no idea that our child would have a condition as life altering as that. We were so happy when he entered the world but I knew instinctively that something wasn't quite right, call it mother's intuition but I knew. He only weighed 6 lbs, 10 oz. when my other babies both weighed around 9 lbs. His weight made me wonder... Then when he didn't pass either of his hearing screens, warning bells started to sound. The morning the Pediatrician came in and told me what his suspicions were, I came apart. I don't think I have ever cried that hard. Poor Mitchell slept on my chest while my tears washed over him. Mike wasn't with me, he was in Susanville with Maddi and Merrick and I have never felt so alone. That was the hardest day of my life.
Since bringing him home, life has gotten better. We got a definite diagnosis of Down's Syndrome. Knowing what he has will help us know how to raise him and the kinds of services he will need. He is such a good baby, he very seldom cries and sleeps well. While life has gotten better since finding out what he has, I still have my days of grief and heartache and I am not sure that they will ever go away completely. It feels good to know that I have so many great friends and family members that are helping me through this with their kind words and prayers. While I have a lot of support, some days I still feel so alone.
Tomorrow, Mitchell has an appt. with the Pediatrician. Mike and I have so many questions to ask, this is so new to us. He feels like he's our first child even though I am an experienced mom!! We are concerned about so many health issues he might have, heart, thyroid, skeletal, hearing, vision and digestion. I try not to think about these things as they are unknown. I try to think about what I do know, he is eating and digesting his food, he is very wiggly and is trying to pick his head up, he can hear out of his left ear and he will turn his head to look at you when he hears a voice. He is doing so many good things!