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Monday, January 31, 2011

Trying to be the best

I am not a competetive person, I have never been into sports, I have never cared about winning.. But lately I have found myself becoming competetive in a strange way, through my children. However, It's not what you are thinking, I am not cheering them on while sitting on the sidelines of a soccer game, I find myself becoming ultra-competetive about their lives. I want them to have the best friends, the best clothes, the best grades, the best teachers. Simply put, I want my children to be the best. An example- Maddi was recently tested for GATE which is our Gifted and Talented program. In order to be tested she had to score at an advanced level in both reading- language arts and mathmatics on the STAR test. There were 22 kids that achieved this in her grade level. She didn't make it into the program, only a few kids were selected. I keep telling myself it's not a big deal, she is a smart little girl and she'll have a chance next year. I so wanted her to be in that program and I am having a hard time knowing that she didn't make it.... She could care less. I almost feel like I am trying to show others up through my children, "Ooohhh, Look over there, that's Maddison Green, Isn't she lovely." That's what I want people to say. I want my children to be the best at everything they do because they are a direct reflection of me, of my parenting skills. When they misbehave in public I feel like all eyes turn to me and people are whispering, "There goes Katie, what a terrible mom to let her kids behave like that in public!!" I worry constantly that I am not doing enough for my children, then I remind myself that there are only so many hours in a day and most of my day is focused on my children. I am constantly telling my friends that I wish that I had a magic mirror to show me the futures of my children, I just want reassurance that I am do everything I can possibly can be doing to produce wonderfully, well balanced children. Is that to much to ask?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Ramblings

I am reminded today just how blessed I am, great friends, great family, a roof over my head, clothing, food on the table, a loving husband who provides for his family. Everyday is a miracle, a blessing, a gift. Although we have our fair share of trials, we pull through them and we are better off because of the experience. Some days I am not sure these trials are a good thing but when we have made it through a rough patch, I look back and I am realize how much stronger my family and I are because of what we have experienced.
Every Friday I volunteer in Maddi's 3rd grade class and I have been taking Mitchie along with me. The kids have come to count on Mitchie being there and once they have finished their work they then line up to play with Mitch. Mitch adores the attention he gets and the kids adore Mitch. This last week Maddi was holding her brother and her classmates were crowding around her, all wanting to play with Mitchie. I heard a child ask if Mitchie has Down's Syndrome to which Maddi replied "Yes." The conversation that then took place was pretty wonderful. Maddi and her classmates talked about thier different fmaily members that have Down's Syndrome, cousins, aunts, uncles. What impressed me the most was that while they were discussing it they all seemed so accepting, they talked about how much fun they had with these family members, how "Normal" they were. I think that this means alot to Maddi as well, it helps her to accept her brother, to understand that he really isn't that different and that her friends will still accept her. I think she enjoys having her brother in her classroom and being able to show him off.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Blessed

It's been a little while since I've updated my blog. I wanted to report that Mitchie Guy has gotten a clean bill of health! He gained back his lost weight plus some and his blood counts came back good, his platelets are at a normal level, his white cells are still on the low side of normal but they are coming up in numbers. Wow, I am so thankful for his health. I don't think I have ever been so afraid for one of my children. He was so sick, so lethargic, so lifeless. That's not my child, he is full of it, he's a wild little guy, he loves to get into the garbage, he loves to pull his sibling's hair, he loves to crawl and get whatever it is that he's not supposed to be into. His little face has "Mischievious" written all over it. When he was sick he lost his sparkle, his shine, he was dull. I am thankful for every spilled trash can, I am thankful for every time my other children yell "Mitchie, don't pull my hair." I am thankful for him, all of him. Mischief and all!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Today

Today is a good day!! I am feeling at peace with everything, I am trying to remember that I am not in charge and I don't have the answers. I know that in time I will get the answers to all of my questions, somedays it's just hard to wait for the answers. Today we were finally able to submit a stool sample today so hopefully we'll find out if he is having problems with lactose soon. Tomorrow is more blood work and I hope that this is Mitchie Guy's last draw for a while, he hates being poked! I hope that by Fri. we will know if his blood counts are still off and if they are then I am hopeful we can decide on what our next step will be. He is eating good and talking more today, he seems to be on the mend. I am so greatful for every babbled word he speaks and every cheesy grin he gives, they give me hope, they keep me going.

Monday, January 3, 2011

My little prayer

Dear God,
I am so scared, scared for Mitchell, scared for Mike and I, scared for Maddi and Merrick. I don't like waiting for answers but I know I have to. Although you have given us answers to some of Mitchell's health problems, you have also added questions. I don't want anymore questions but I would love some more answers. I want to know why his blood counts are abnormal and why he seems to keep having tummy troubles (thank you God, he doesn't have Celiac or a thyroid problem.) I want to know why he is loosing weight and sleeping so much. God, I know you are an amazing God and therefore have an amazing plan for our family but none the less, I am scared. I pray for sleep for myself as I lay awake at night worrying that tomorrow might be the day I get the answers I don't want to hear. I am dreading the word Leukemia yet I am so afraid that is the answer you have for me. I pray that Mitchell will do well at his blood draw on Wed., he hates getting poked and I hate seeing him getting poked although I know it is something that needs to happen and It will lead to the answers that I am so desperately seeking. I am so scared but I know that you are walking this walk with me and that does give me comfort. God, keep holding my hand because I need you more and more each day. I am really learning that in order to make it through my day I need to turn to you and ask for strength because I can't do this on my own. I am thankful for the sweetest boy with the sweetest smile and all of the milestones he has accomplished, I am thankful for everyday I have with not only Mitchell but also Mike, Maddi and Merrick. I know you have blessed me in so many ways and I sometimes have a hard time seeing those blessings amidst all of the hurt that I am feeling. God, I pray that all of these trials are leading me closer to you and and deepening my faith.
I pray this in your son's name,
Amen