Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Rambling on and on

I am fooling myself, I am fooling everyone around me. People always ask me "How do you do it all?" The truth is I don't. There, I said it, I am not super mom, I don't wear a cape with a giant SM (super mom) embroidered on the back of it. Hell, my christmas china hasn't even made it out of my china cabinet and at this rate my excuse is "I really enjoy keeping something from the holiday season up year round!" But the truth is more like I am too frazzled to even care. My life isn't perfect although from the outside looking in it might seem to be. I overbook myself and my family. I don't hold my end of the bargain up far too often. I yell too much. I cry too much. I get frustrated at the littlest things. I wish I had it all together and although I try, I fall short. Because so many know me through FB, they don't know the struggles I face, my demons. They see the bright, smiley mom who seems to be a close resemblence to Martha Stewart but that's not me. I want to have the perfect house, I want the perfectly dressed children who never have a hair out of place, I want to be perfect. That's my problem- I want perfection. I know it's unattainable but somehow it always seems just a task away. I always take on too much thinking that in that task I will obtain perfection, I don't. I become bitter and resentful that those around me don't try as hard as I do. I get angered by the fact that I don't get thanked for everything I do. I need change, I need to change. My thinking, my additude, my goals. Sometimes it just is all so overwhelming and I think it's about time to cut some things out of this crazy life, put a bigger emphasis on the things that matter. My faith, family and friends, these are the things that matter. The funny thing about everything is that at the end of the day after I have spent hours doing volunteer work at my daughter's school, running a girl scout meeting, picking things up so that the kids can do school projects, I get home to a daughter who feels that I haven't spent anytime with her. I feel as though that's all I do, I give my life to my kids but I am beginning to realize that they don't care if I volunteer countless hours putting together a school program, or if I am gone for hours helping with Girl Scout Cookies, that's not what they want from me. They want a mom who wants to snuggle with them, read with them. Not a mom who is so wiped out at the end of the day from all of the "Time spent with her kid's school" that she falls asleep on the couch. I am envious of those true SAHM's that have all the time in the world for snuggling, reading, bug catching and whatever else they fancy. That's the Mom I want to be, that's what I am going to be.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Not Everyone Likes Me!

I am 30 and until recently (last week) I thought everybody would like me as long as I tried my hardest to be nice, hard working and honest.... This, I found out, is not the case! I am generally a nice person, I work hard to make the lives of others better, I work hard to make my children's schools better, I work hard to make my community better and I work hard at raising three wonderful little people. I do all of this and yet I am sure there are quite a few people that really can't stand me. This thought was really bringing me down but I have since had a change of heart! I do what I can and I give things my all and if that's not good enough for some then so be it! I have decided that those people are not worth my time as I value my time and I want valuable people to occupy my time! A friend of mine told me yesterday that she had heard this quote, "What people think of you is none of your business!" I think this is the attitude that I need to adopt, what people think of me is none of my business! I can't change their opinions of me so it's a waste of my time.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

10 wonderful years!

Mike and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary this last Wed. 10 years of (mostly) wedded bliss now days seems like quite an accomplishment. My daughter pointed out that we have been married for a decade and that seemed like an even bigger accomplishment when she stated it like that! I often hear it said that Mike and I have such a wonderful relationship, which we do, and I am asked how we do it.... Here is our recipe for love-

1-We love each other.... Now, I know that seems like a given but we really love one another. I have dated or been married to him since I was 19 and we have seen one another grow and change quite a bit, not all of our changes have been for the better but I took my vows seriously and I promise to love him for better or worse, in sickness and health. I love him, he loves me and we make sure to tell each other every day!

2. We make sure to take "Us" time.... Date nights are a regularly scheduled event at our house. I can always tell when we haven't had "Us" time as we both get short with one another, we get short with our children, we even get short with the dog! Date night is a way for us to catch up and visit over dinner. We get to hold hands, talk about whatever has been going on and just be together without being interrupted by three little voices, three little people's needs.

3. We give each other space.... Alone time is just as important as "Us" time. I don't think I could do without my alone time. I need time to let off steam, whether it's a run, a couple hours locked up with a good book or a night out with the girls, this time has become essential to our marriage too.

4. We forgive.... Our marriage isn't perfect but we let the imperfections go. If you go into marriage thinking that everything is going to be perfect, you are in for a RUDE awakening! Nobody bugs me, gets under my skin, pisses me off quite like Mike does but at the end of the day nobody loves me quite like he does and I can forgive him for everything else!

5. We are affectionate.... This is something that is super important! A kiss good bye, sitting on the couch rubbing each other's feet, a just because kiss, a love note, a welcome home kiss... Showing one another our love keeps it hot, it keeps it exciting. I love nothing more than a little note on the kitchen table when I get up in the morning, a delivery of flowers just because. Mike is really good at keeping it exciting and I try to do the same.

I love my husband more today than when we got married 10 years ago and I know that our love will continue to grow as long as we continue to nurture it.
Honey, I love you and look forward to many more wonderful, blessed years!